Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
