Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
