Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I touched a dick in church today
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