you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
