I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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