I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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