I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize