threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
