Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
