Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They took my balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
