Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
