i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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