and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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