I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
