I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
