Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
