Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
