I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
