yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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