all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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