I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
