i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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