Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize