I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
