Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
