I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
