i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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