Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
