Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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