Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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