Kiss
Puke
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
