a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
