explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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