and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
