Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
