We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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