He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
