New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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