Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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