watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
