ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
