dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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