I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize