peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
