I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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