his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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