I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize