My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
