I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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