Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
