So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
