my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize