so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
