and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
