there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
