no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
