At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
