kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
