Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
