Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
