He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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