Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize