Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
