you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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