i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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