He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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