I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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