I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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